She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
