Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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