I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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