I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
