Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
