i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
