allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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