if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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