I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
