bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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