I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Welp...herpes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
