I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
