ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
