OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
