So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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