just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
