I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Alive.
So much puke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
