For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
