guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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