Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
