i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
