the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
