I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
