I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
