If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
