Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
