she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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