WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
