not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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