The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
