I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
