I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
