Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
