She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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