you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
