hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
