we have officially lost it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
