I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
