Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
