my mouth tastes like poor choices
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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