you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
