Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
