Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
