I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
someone owes me an orgasm
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
