Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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