you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
worst night to have a conscience
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
