textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
