highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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