just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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