Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
