Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
