I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
